Judicial Opinions: The Interview

On Christmas Day 2014, after traveling over the river and through the woods to visit family (actually it was over a big city expressway that I traveled); after feasting on the savory and sweet foods of the season and avoiding mistletoe encounters with certain relatives; and, finally, after drinking way too much eggnog, I decided I would nestle down and do something not all that Christmas’y. I decided to fulfill what seemed like my patriotic duty. On this holiest of holy days–the day on which Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, and in this season in which men and women of all faiths and nations endeavor to spread peace on earth and goodwill toward men–I would do something completely different. I would support every artist’s creative freedom. I would quietly pay homage to every artist’s First Amendment Right to write, speak, or otherwise express whatever he wants, no matter how offensive. I would do my own small part in telling world governments, monolithic corporations, and anonymous hackers that censorship and stifling of artistic freedom (even bad artistic displays) will never be tolerated in our American society. Yes, after basking in the magic, warmth, and customs of the season, I paid $5.99 and downloaded “The Interview” off of GooglePlay. What a sap, you say. But wait. Read on before mocking me. 

I'll preface the following movie review by stating that, until Christmas Day 2014, I had never watched a movie starring the actors James Franco and Seth Rogen in my life, so I guess I wasn't aware of their...let's say, really raw bad-boy humor. I understand that there have been some less-than-stellar cinematic collaborations between the two on films with such names as “Spring Breakers,” “Pineapple Express,” and “This is the End.” The trailers for those movies look less than enticing to me. I mean, I am by no means an entertainment snob. Despite the sober and stern stereotype that people may have for judges (yes, I am a judge by day; amateur movie critic or whatever by night), I will watch pretty much ANYTHING anytime, in a never-ending quest to forget the daily stress and seriousness of my job. It’s not easy making life-changing decisions regarding other people’s lives all day. But. . .OMG (yes, I have teenagers, too)! Let’s just say there are conversations in the movie “The Interview” regarding male anatomy, the lingering scent of guacamole, and an alleged Matthew McConaughey goat fetish that are WAAAAY too offensive to describe in print. Surely that makes you curious. ... Anyway, I suppose the movie is worth the $5.99, but BARELY. Again, in this amateur movie reviewer’s perspective, it is all about one’s patriotic duty. At least, that’s what I am telling myself to justify the loss of $5.99 and two hours of my life. 

Most readers probably know something about the movie plot by now. The farfetched premise is that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, who loves American pop culture (think Dennis Rodman, Elvis, etc.) but, of course, hates America itself, is an adoring fan-from-afar of James Franco’s character Dave Skylark–a pretty boy TV talk show host who interviews celebrities and makes them confess to interesting or otherwise well-kept secrets. In fact, in two amusing cameo appearances, rapper Eminem unexpectedly shares during an interview the fact that he is gay (saying “I’ve been leaving bread crumbs of my gayness in my songs for years”) and Rob Lowe takes off a toupee, revealing his terrifyingly ugly bald head during a TV tell-all. 

You get the gist. So when Dave Skylark and his producer Aaron Rapoport (played by Seth Rogen) learn of Kim Jong Un’s fan-crush/man-crush on Dave Skylark, they manage to arrange an interview with the boyish leader in Pyongyang, North Korea. Then the CIA recruits the unlikely pair to assassinate Un while they are in North Korea. It is not an easy mission for the two dimwits. There are lots of crazy situations when the two are there, including their accidental fatal poisoning of one of Un’s trusted advisors (when the advisor mistakes a ricin strip in Skylark’s bag for a piece of chewing gum). Seth Rogen’s character also has a near-death encounter with a Siberian Tiger while in a field at night (do they have Siberian Tigers in North Korea?). And Franco’s character even starts to develop a fondness for the maniacal, child-like dictator, until having a chance encounter with a fake grapefruit one night (you have to see the movie if you want to understand this plot twist). 

But the important thing (spoiler alert) is that, after revealing Un’s true character to the North Korean public in a craftily choreographed interview (with the assistance of a sexy, female, machine-gun toting North Korean official, who hijacks the TV communication systems and prevents termination of the interview), the pair not only makes the North Koreans understand that Un is not an Almighty God (among other things, it is revealed that Un actually has bodily functions like all human beings–according to the movie, which uses different terms than “bodily functions”–allegedly it is North Korean folklore that he does not), but the pair finally manage to assassinate the crazy dictator in spectacular fashion, with a ridiculous Katy Perry song loudly blasting in the background. But, without a doubt, the best part of the movie is an adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy named Digby that the Franco character manages to smuggle out of the country in the end. 

I should be struck by lightening for watching this movie on Christmas night. It has crude language, over-the-top sexual humor, and, yes, even some bloody violence (after all, they kill the dictator). Without a doubt, the movie has no redeeming qualities. Not one. No Oscar-caliber performances, no brilliant (or even mildly clever) dialogue, no cinematic beauty, and it’s not even that funny. But it did make me feel patriotic. “Lol.” Actually, strike that. The movie didn’t make me “laugh out loud.” Go ahead. Call me a sap and mock me. Just not while in court.